I moved to Tortola twenty five years ago and remember how the initial excitement quickly wore off when I realised that my previous experience didn't lend itself easily to getting a work permit. After enjoying a busy job and active social life in London I thought that I would enjoy a break but after a few weeks of learning to navigate the new topography and visiting the different beaches I started to feel quite lost and isolated. Thousands of miles away from my family and close friends I was suddenly thrust into a life where I felt I had little purpose or identity.
This feeling of disconnectedness, both from the world and ourselves, is not uncommon when making such a transition. There is often a dazzling allure that draws us to leave the familiarity of our native shores but the reality of moving can be harsh and often inexplicably distressful. There can be a sense of grief from losing our old life that does not hit us until we move. Finding connection, especially during that first year away or during times of challenge, can be elusive and leads to a greater sense of isolation and hopelessness. One way to overcome some of these feelings is to look for a new purpose or focus, even if this purpose feels small or insignificant.
When I was training to be a counselor we had to read "Mans search for Meaning" (1946) by Victor Frankl. Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist who was imprisoned at various concentration camps over the course of three years during world war 2. Conditions were squalid, and death and brutality a part of daily life. During this time, Frankl realised that the only way to keep the prisoners going was by having them envisage some future goal or purpose. He taught them to see that, despite their circumstances, they still had a choice. Quoting Nietzsche he wrote that "He who has a why to live for can bear with almost any how". Its an incredible story of resilience and survival.
This is obviously a really extreme example of living in unimaginable conditions and feels like a far cry from life in the tropics. Yet the idea that we all need purpose and meaning is not just applicable to these worst case scenarios. It can be easy to lose sight of this when we go through a major change in our life and we lose our familiar touch points. If we can identify some goal, however small it might be, it can help to create a shift and often, connection, something that most of us need to survive. Even talking about these feelings and giving them a voice can be the first step in making a change.
If any of these feelings resonate please reach out. Counselling can help to explore these issues in more depth and carve out a way forward without judgment or opinion.